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"I don’t wanna have a great, amazing couple of months and then all of a sudden its over. I don’t want to experience the feeling of being lost, confused, and hurt all over again. I wanna be with you. And I want us to last, no matter how hard any situation is, no matter what/who comes between us."

Hi telegramm, think i did it again..
Tried to say things out ended up lost in words not knowing what i'm mumbling about
Wrong timing all the time, making him sad making him stress

I'm useless, can't control my emotions properly
I keep getting compared to her & her & her & her
When i'm being myself you don't seem to like it
Not being myself i'm too fake

Idk what to do idk why do i think so much either
But i really cannot take it
I know i'm not good enough

Not like her, so hardworking
Not like her, so caring
Not like her voice so nice
Asked about them
You always said good things
You'll never talk about me in a nice way seriously
Never said i was sweet
Never said i was nice
Never said i was pretty
You only said you fell in love with me
cause you can feel my care
Do you only love me cause i care for you?

In the bus you don't hold on tight to me
You would just walk to the back forgetting about me
Sleeping on your shoulder is also a mistake
You'll never save me when i fall
Surprises must be asked by me
Tired is your excuse

Why is loving you so much is making it seems like a crime?
You seem so happy with your friends in poly now
I'm really glad for you, i'm glad instead of grumpy me
You still have something happy to cheer your day up

Last time i always wished i was the one
That lights up your life, be the one that you want
Because Mr Tom was always picking on you
Whenever i hope when you see me you'll be happy
Nope i was wrong, i was just a punching bag
I didn't light your life up, you scolded me for talking too much
Asking me to keep quiet cause you don't wanna talk
Whenever you see me, i'll be there for you to be angry at
I'm someone you relieve your stress to
You say i don't understand you
I just really wanted to be there
And you just kept pushing me away

I really really want you to be happy
That's all i ask for
Idmind your attitude
Idmind being your punching bag
You're only nice to me when you're happy
Had enough sleep, in a good mood
Just asking for a little love in return
Taking care of me
A little gratitude
Holding my waist
Protecting me
Loving me like it's the end of the world

Nah i'm not the world for you
Nope i'm not, but you're the world for me
You really are, i never regretted
Will never regret
But..

Seeing you hurting beside me
Just because you can't live up to all my stupid expectations
I feel so guilty, so useless
So impatient
So evil
So bad

No wonder i always get compared to them
Moral of this whole post:
I'm never good enough, never will be
But i've decided to be me
Maybe a new me
Hope you'll like me.

Hi Jacksen! Haven't talked to you for ages :)
It's been so long..how are you?
How have you been?
(In my heart it says: i miss you like crazy these few years, just that i wanted to find myself
a Sarah that can finally be the best for you)

 

x

Whenever it approaches 1AM i'll start getting fucking hungry and gorge myself with food, hungry hungry hungry all i can think off. Not only food bothers me, you come into my mind, slowly thinking, why? Why? Why? What did i do to make you seem to detest me. Am i not good enough? Have i not blamed myself enough? Am i suppose to act like her? Am i suppose to be me? What am i suppose to do? Why do i think so much? Why am i here? Why me? Getting bored of me, i'm nagging too much. No more call checks, no more love.

But i still love you.
What you said the other day fucking hurts me, but i don't wanna force you no more.
To say things i wanna hear, coz that's selfish and i'm very selfish about you, coz i care, i fucking care.
I understand, no i don't yes i do.

I just care too much..
I do..
Hope you see me soon, maybe after 3 years? maybe more? standing here.
I'm in front of you, not invisible, not someone that is not visible.
Someone who is there to listen
To laugh with
But not taken for granted.
I'm me
I'm always me.
Who are you?

Don't take me for granted, Please? ;'(